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Why won't I just leave?

I remember the first time I decided I wanted to leave the country. I went to Thailand. When I was sitting on a beach playing jenga ocean-side with others in my diving group, I realized this was it. This was what I wanted in life. I wanted to sit with this kind of view every day. It was inspiring. I had never felt my heart so full in my meager existence. 

My biggest obstacle was money. How would I survive? I needed to be able to fund myself at least a year without work, and that would need to include a place to stay, utilities, and things like food, water (tap water here wasn't drinkable), and any basic necessities. I did a bit of research and figured out that I could live comfortably for a year on 10,000USD. Of course my next reasonable step was to save that much, right?

It seemed easy enough. I cut out my food budget as it was the only place I had any wiggle room. I dropped from 300USD a month to 80USD a month. I can't say that I was eating incredibly healthy, but I was doing…

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